Retaining Top Talent – A Little Humour

Employers who are seeking to fill vacancies within their organization utilize many methods to attract highly skilled individuals to fill these roles.
Recruitment can be a very time consuming and expensive venture in the process of landing good candidates to fill the company’s staffing vacancies. However, once the candidate has been on-boarded is it the same company that they thought they were joining or was the recruitment talk just a tool to get them into their workforce.

It is just in our nature to paint a rosy picture of the workplace when trying to attract candidates. It is, however, more beneficial to paint the real picture of working for your company with all its great points along with some of the warts when looking to retain talent long-term.

Spending the time and effort in building a retention focused company will not only lessen the need to hire but also makes it easier to attract high calibre talent when vacancies do occur. Painting an accurate picture is just one tool of the retention program and assures that the great candidate which you have just hired will not suffer culture shock and bolt for the door at the earliest opportunity.

Many companies lack a retention culture and need to oversell themselves when recruiting only to find themselves having to constantly repeat this process.

The following joke sums it up best: (enjoy)

An HR manager was knocked down (tragically) by a bus and was killed. Her soul arrived at the Pearly Gates, where St.Peter welcomed her. “Before you get settled in” he said, “We have a little problem…you see, we’ve never had a HR manager make it this far before and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”

“Oh, I see,” said the woman, “can’t you just let me in?”

“Well, I’d like to,” said St Peter, “But I have higher orders. We’re instructed to let you have a day in hell and a day in heaven, and then you are to choose where you’d like to go for all eternity.”

“Actually, I think I’d prefer heaven”, said the woman. “Sorry, we have rules…” at which St. Peter put the HR manager into the downward bound elevator.

As the doors opened in Hell she stepped out onto a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club; around her were many friends, past fellow executives, all smartly dressed, happy, and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks, and they talked about old times.

They played a perfect round of golf and afterwards went to the country club where she enjoyed a superb steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil (who was actually rather nice) and she had a wonderful night telling jokes and dancing.

Before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everyone shook her hand and waved goodbye as she stepped into the elevator. The elevator went back up to heaven where St. Peter was waiting for her. “Now it’s time to spend a day in heaven,” he said.

So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds, playing the harp and singing; which was almost as enjoyable as her day in Hell. At the day’s end St. Peter returned. “So,” he said, “You’ve spent a day in hell and you’ve spent a day in heaven”. “You must choose between the two.”

The woman thought for a second and replied: “Well, heaven is certainly lovely, but I actually had a better time in hell. I choose Hell.”

Accordingly, St. Peter took her to the elevator again and she went back down to hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends dressed in rags, picking up rubbish and putting it in old sacks. The Devil approached and put his arm around her.

“I don’t understand,” stuttered the HR manager, “The other day I was here, and there was a golf course, and a country club. We ate lobster, and we danced and had a wonderful happy time. Now all there is, is just dirty wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable.”

The Devil simply looked at her and smiled, “Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you’re staff.”

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